Can we talk about how people keep using "show don't tell" as an excuse to skip internal monologue?

I was reading stories on a critique site for like 2 hours last night and I kept seeing the same comment: "you're telling too much, show don't tell." But then the writers cut out all the character's thoughts and the scenes felt flat and emotionless. It finally clicked for me when I edited one of my own short stories last week. I removed a paragraph where my MC thinks about how scared she is of heights, and the climbing scene lost all its tension. So I put it back. The real trick is balancing showing the action with telling what the character feels about it. You can't just have them climb a cliff without saying they're sweating and their heart is pounding and they wanna quit. That internal stuff is what makes us care. Has anyone else noticed how misleading that "show don't tell" advice can be when beginners take it too literally?

3 comments

3 Comments

henrycooper15d ago

Isn't internal monologue still showing how a character thinks though?

the_holly15d ago

henrycooper yeah but "showing how a character thinks" is still telling in the traditional sense. The problem is people think showing means only actions and dialogue, but internal monologue is literally the character telling us their thoughts. I think the real issue is that critics want you to replace "he felt sad" with "his chest hurt and he couldn't breathe" but that's still telling the reader what the character is experiencing. The whole rule gets weaponized against anything that isn't a physical action.

jana_fox505d ago

Honestly, the_holly, I had to read that twice because "showing how a character thinks is still telling" just blew my mind a little. Ngl, that's a really sharp point because critics beat you over the head with "show don't tell" but then internal monologue is literally the character telling you their thoughts. It's like the rule is a trap, and you lose either way. I've seen people rewrite a whole scene with action only and it reads like a robot's diary, flat and empty. The chest hurting thing you mentioned is still telling me the character is upset, just with fancier words. Tbh, I think the whole rule got twisted by people who just want to sound smart in critiques without actually understanding what makes a story work.