I compared two ways to apologize after a bad comment and one worked way better

Back in 2019, I had a small cooking blog and I made a really tone-deaf post about budget meals during a crisis. I tried the standard apology first, just saying I was sorry and moving on. The comments got worse, people thought I was faking it. Then I did a full breakdown of why I was wrong, listed specific things I learned, and shared actual resources. The difference was night and day, people actually forgave me. Has anyone else found that a detailed apology works better than a quick sorry?

2 comments

2 Comments

ben_ross511mo ago

Did you actually have to train yourself to write that way or did it just feel natural once you got past the initial awkwardness? Because I feel like the reason a lot of these quick "sorry" things fail is people are so scared of looking bad they rush through it instead of sitting with the discomfort. Like the real test of an apology is whether you're willing to look stupid or vulnerable for a few minutes to actually fix things. Was there a moment during your first apology where you realized it wasn't working and you just had to scrap everything?

murphy.linda1mo ago

Totally get what you're saying @ben_ross51. That first real apology I messed up so bad I had to just stop mid sentence and go back to the start. The whole "sorry if you felt" garbage was all I knew before. Honestly, the turning point was when I realized the other person didn't even care about my excuse or explanation, they just wanted me to say "I screwed up" without adding anything to make myself look better. Took a few times of feeling like an idiot staring at my shoes before it started to click. The willingness to sit in that awkward silence after the apology is the real test.