I finally stopped arguing about the ending of The Goldfinch

Honestly, my friend Sarah in our Denver book club told me I was being too harsh on people who liked the ending. She said I kept shutting down the talk by calling their views 'wrong'. So I tried just asking 'what made that work for you?' instead. Ngl, our last meeting about Piranesi was way better because of it. Anyone else had to change how they talk in a club to keep things friendly?

3 comments

3 Comments

bell.laura2mo agoProlific Poster

Was it hard to make that switch from telling to asking? I had to learn the same thing after a few tense meetings. It feels weird at first, like you're holding back your real opinion. But you end up hearing stuff you would have totally missed before. It makes the whole club feel more like a talk and less like a debate.

seanlee2mo ago

@bell.laura nailed it about how it feels like you're holding back your real opinion at first. What really clicked for me was realizing that asking questions didn't mean I was wrong, it just meant I was curious about how someone else got there.

dianal942mo ago

Totally get that. How long did it take for it to feel normal? I used to jump in with "but actually" all the time. Now I just listen first.